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The Sainsburys Check-Out girl - 2011-2012

There has been many a test, over many, many years, in many situations, which this Nick has not always understood or perhaps even appreciated... but one thing that he can surely say... is that whatever the reasons, whatever the causes, whatever the underlying lessons that had to be learned... he always... always... (& not always it has to be said, was it because he was strong, or masterly, or that it was in any way because of something that reflects well on him etc)... he always came out of the situation with flying colours... i.e. he did not fall down, or succumb... to temptation... amazing!

One characteristic that was seemingly always there was Mother's Protection... protection from doing the wrong thing... even when he was ready to give up! The testing was sometimes seemingly too much, and it was only by Shri Mataji's overwhelming and intensely constant and powerful Protection that saved him from succumbing to doing wrong things... that this Nick can now at this time say that he is still ok... that he did not give in... even though at times he wished he had.

He knows that in this especially, but also in other things too, he cannot claim the kudos of having won some great battle through his own strength or virtues. He knows well that if there is any claim for any success, it must surely be laid at the Lotus Feet of our Divine, much beloved, Gracious, most Compassionate and Loving Mother.

I am talking of Nick's own inner character... his own inner driving force... to be and express, his heart's desire, to care for and love others, in a family setting... something that he has had to come to learn to live largely without, since coming to Sahaja Yoga.
For some reason, he has always had a great deal of love to express, and give to those around him, but it seems that this was not to be... or that somehow it was not sufficient in itself. Somehow it had to be tempered, refined, transmuted into something much higher.
It has not been easy... but he can see that nowadays he can appreciate more the rewards of giving that love to many, many others... and to everyone, without as Shri Mataji once told us... without there being 'anyone special'.

In order to learn this lesson, there have been numerous situations, numerous occasions when he 'met' someone... someone who he felt was perhaps that 'someone special'... but always... always... it did not work out... and for very strange and different and compelling reasons. Each time he would venture along some slightly different path... only at the last minute to pull back... so far and no further. It was always a very strange and slightly disconcerting feeling.

Slowly he learned to witness all these strange 'goings on'... and one day he was amazed, and not unpleasantly surprised to discover that he was able to completely detach himself from someone who he really felt a quite strong kinship with. He was able to quite abruptly cut himself off from a 'promising relationship' that was seemingly developing, without any sense of 'pain' or 'remorse' or 'guilt' or regret or anger etc or any of these emotional manifestations that we are all so familiar with.

This Nick has been 'matched' 3 times... and the experiences in each of these marriages has shown him, has taught him a great deal. In each of them, he loved, it seems maybe too much. He at first was distraught emotionally with all the problems that seemed to beset the marriage relationship. Even in the 2nd marriage, he was still emotionally very confused, being virtually in a state of mourning when the marriage broke up. Then in the 3rd, something really significant happened. He found himself completely free of all emotional encumbrances when eventually this marriage also broke up.

In the first few days after the breakup of his 3rd marriage, he was able immediately to laugh and joke about it all. In the next 6-7 years, he had to deal with the difficulty of living alone without a partner... something he really disliked... but once again, when someone would appear on the horizon, there was always something that prevented it working out.
Nick came to believe that it was somehow Divine Will... that it was the Divine Plan that was maybe leading on to other things.

One day, in something like 2010 or 2011, he was again aware of an attractive lady working in Sainsburys, on the till. He saw her in the store fairly regularly... and she always seemed to be looking out for him. After some months, just passing the time of day with her each time we met, & whenever he went into the store... he decided it could not go on like this... it needed sorting out. So he decided to bring it to a head.

Before he did, and as he was at that time conducting the meetings at Hampstead, he spoke to the 'collective' that was gathered there one Thursday, just in passing, explaining that he was 'being tested constantly' with these sorts of situations developing all the time... and that the way he dealt with it was to... firstly just 'play along' with whatever situation was in process of developing... to just behave normally... and then to surrender it totally to Mother, in the firm belief that She would protect him from doing anything wrong... from making a fool of himself... from making some ghastly mistake.

So the next day, in order to bring it to a head... he went as usual to the store, intending to offer to buy this 'Check-Out girl' a coffee, and then to talk to her, give her her Realisation.. and then to see what would happen. However, she on this occasion was not at the till, but was walking in the body of the store, something that had not happened before. When he saw her, she was walking towards him, i.e. Nick, so he stopped as she approached, saying 'hello'. She just kept walking, mumbling something barely audible, in a very petulant, sulky or moody sort of way. This was quite strange, so Nick then continued with his shopping. A little later in another part of the store, she was again coming towards him... straight towards... coming quite fast... & it is difficult to explain... how exactly they did not collide. She came, without slowing down... directly for Nick... and seemed to pass right through him! Next thing... a few seconds later, she again was coming towards him, again quite fast... quite determined... and this time something very strange happened. She got to within about 1 metre... and then, the only way to explain it... it was like she was on a big bungee type cord... as she was then pulled backwards all the way back to where she had started from.

All this time this Nick was just witnessing everything, standing quite motionless... watching. Poor girl... she was looking quite confused and bewildered. To this Nick of course it was quite obvious, that the Divine was controlling events... and was definitely not giving either support or blessings to this meeting. After that she became very angry whenever Nick appeared on successive visits to the store - she after all could not be expected to know what was going on, or what Protection Nick was under... or indeed what the overall Divine Plan might be.

Now, it is important to understand. All this drama could easily have been avoided by all sorts of other means... but it was not. It somehow had to be played out, and for a reason... no doubt, not only to achieve that ultimate and higher goal... of attaining this detachment of 'pure love', where there is no 'special' person on whom to lavish that love... but also to acquire an understanding of what was going on.

And so the lessons go on... getting sometimes quite close... sometimes meeting someone who feels like the perfect soul mate... to again find that once again everything is not quite as it seems... and so it continues...


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